Emotional Fitness for Couples by Barton Goldsmith

Author:Barton Goldsmith [Barton Goldsmith]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: RELATIONSHIPS
ISBN: 978-1-60882-424-3
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2011-05-16T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 28

Pay Attention to Emotional Needs

Dealing appropriately with your own emotions can be difficult. Dealing appropriately with your partner’s emotions is an art form. To help each other deal with feelings, you must do your best to understand and get comfortable with the fact that someone else’s feelings may not have a great deal to do with you. Life, work, physical well-being, friends, and family can all be sources of strong emotions; taking it personally will not allow you to stay objective.

The first step for dealing successfully with difficult feelings is to do your best to not be judgmental when either of you is being emotional. Feelings don’t need to be justified; they need to be honored.

Being there for your partner while they feel emotional is very effective in helping the feelings heal. Looking at feelings and acknowledging them is the next step in dealing with them. Strange as it may seem, just admitting something doesn’t feel right will give you a sense of control in what might seem like an out-of-control world.

Be supportive and encourage your partner to talk, and you talk too. Together you will find balance, and the difficult emotions will give way to calm faster than if you tried to ignore them.

Also, remember emotions can be harmful if you choose to act out irrationally. If you know that you or your partner’s emotions are running high, make sure you avoid any temptation to say or do hurtful things. If you find you cannot control yourself or you have no patience with your loved one, it is time to seek help.

Lastly, unhealed emotions drain your energy and ability to deal with your relationship. The more emotions are repressed, the worse they can become. Do your best to not let unhealed emotions run your life; use good communication skills to share your feelings rationally. These tried-and-true tools are as much common sense as they are psychotherapeutic. They’ll help you deal with the normal range of emotions that make their way into most relationships.

Understand that feelings are a good thing—if you deal with them. Taking action when you have emotions will bring more peace into your life. Try doing these exercises.

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